Catching Up...

Posted on Thu Jan 8th, 2026 @ 10:03pm by Lieutenant Commander Sabastian Walker & Lieutenant Lanna Alexander

1,728 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Shore Leave - Starbase 1
Location: Various
Timeline: Current

ON:

Sabastian stared out the window as the shuttle made its way to the ship. Lanna Alexander would be there to greet him. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want to be here but he had no choice. In a moment of pure emotion he hated the ship, the crew everything. Fang was the only one who knew what had happened.

"Commander Walker we're heading into the ship. Please sit back. Five minutes to landing."

He said nothing, moved not an inch. Time seemed to crawl as the shuttle landed and the Ensign opened the door.

With a deep sign Sabastian picked up his bag and headed out. Just as expected Lanna Alexander stood there smiling probably wanting to welcome him and Zai home. He saw the moment her smile slipped when he came out. He knew he looked like shit. He didn't care. He hadn't showered in a week, He didn't care.

"Hello Counselor."

He watched as she looked around him. "Zai is not aboard. He will be returning home in a few days...or rather his body will be returned. The Vulcans wanted to honor his Katra or some such nonsense."

Lanna stood open mouthed in shock and surprise. “Zai is…. He’s…” her smile faded as she tried not to burst into tears. Her professionalism kicked in taking over. “I’m so sorry!! Let’s go somewhere where we can talk more privately.”

He sighed. "I'm fine...counselor." Somehow he knew she wouldn't let it drop.

“I’m not fine..” Lanna paused. “I know for certain you're not fine either. I need to know what happened, and you need someone to listen.”

He sighed. "I suppose if I refuse you will, as per regulations, yank me off duty." He pressed his lips together. "Fine. We'll chat in my office." He headed out with the counselor following. The trip to his office was silent and when they arrived he got himself a coffee leaving the sugar and milk out so that it was as bitter as his life. He got the counselor some hot chocolate and sat down. "What would you like to know?"

Taking a seat Lanna sipped her hot chocolate before resting the mug down on the table. “I just want to knows what happened, how did Zai?…” She didn’t finish the sentence.

He let out a shaky breath. "We were on our honeymoon...We had visited my family on Vulcan and then we were seeing the sites. One of the ancient columns...it collapsed. Zai saw it coming and ran knocking several Vulcan monks out of the way...it fell on him and he just never...woke up." His hands shook as he sipped his own drink.

Lanna nodded. “I know it’s of little comfort to you, but at least Zai passed a hero. The Vulcans won’t forget what he did for them. I also know that life for you isn’t going to feel the same ever again, but you will learn to accept his loss, in time.”

"You're right. It's not a comfort to me. He gave his life to save them. We had our entire lives ahead and he threw that away to save some monks. I don't accept it. I don't accept the incompetency of the Vulcan's and their medical system."

Lanna could feel the raw emotion pouring off Sebastian, she understood it only too well. “Zai did what he felt was right. Could you have stood there and let innocent people die? At least Zai’s passing had a purpose, and it wasn’t for nothing.” She paused, the emotion in the room was affecting her too. “The Vulcans believe that we all have a living soul, the Katra you mentioned earlier. When a Vulcan dies his or her Katra can be passed to another via a mind meld until it is reunited with someone it’s meant for.” Her eyes widened. “Was Zai alive for a period of time at all? If his Katra was passed to another, they may need you back!”

"He was..." He voice broke and he had to clear his throat. "He was alive enough to ask if the monks were okay and to..." And to tell him he loved him. "He lapsed into unconsciousness and never woke up." He shrugged. "It was a week of machines and then they turned them off." When he wasn't in the room. Anger spiked through him. "He's gone. There is no coming back."

“I know that” Lanna added unhappily. “It’s not fair! I know it’s not, but as long as we remember him then he's never truly gone.” She sighed. “I know nothing I can say will truly help right now Sabastian, but I want to be there for you. He’d want you to be alright, you know he would.”

"Unfortunately I doubt I ever will be. But you are right. I have to come to terms with the fact that I had the love of my life only briefly and that will be enough until the day I die." He shrugged. "Zai believed in this afterlife, past life stuff so he would say my pain is a punishment for a past life. Right now I hate myself for whatever I did to deserve it."

“I don’t know if I believe in the whole past life thing” Lanna admittedly sheepishly. “Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not that’s not for me to say. Either way you have done nothing to warrant the loss of the love of your life. His loss diminishes all of us, but I will remember Zai fondly. As A Betazoid our bond doesn’t put us at risk like the one the Vulcans have, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel our losses even more. I know how I’d feel if I lost Jarin. Anytime you need to talk, cry, laugh, whatever, just come on by okay?”

He sighed. He gave a non committal nod. "The bond was...painful." He admitted. "While I was recovering in the hospital I have decided to lean into my Vulcan side more. Perhaps those unfeeling bastards have it right. Shut down your feelings and the rest is all going to fall into place."

“No” Lanna shook her head. “You can’t hide away from your feelings, even if you are half Vulcan. You need to let yourself feel that pain, you'll come out the other side stronger for it.”

"Without Zai I am nothing so it's logical that I exist as nothing but what Starfleet designed me to do. Be the XO." He sat up straightened his uniform. "Being Half Vulcan I did have training on emotional suppression. I can and will do it. The pain, as you call it, will be a reminder of all that I have lost and will never have again."

“Don’t run from it, don’t try and don’t push it away either” Lanna added an air of caution in her voice. “You'll do yourself more harm than good, You are not nothing, in time you’ll see.”

Before he could say anything his door chimed. He closed his eyes briefly feeling tired. “Enter.”

The door opened and a young woman walked in. “Yeoman Casey sir. I was told to report to you when you came aboard.”

This he knew. Work he could do. “Good. I need you to set up a meeting with Fang Lee I want to see what’s going on with Engineering. I also need to see a few other department heads for updates.” He held out a clipboard which the Yeoman took. “Your job is to ensure all conversations are professional. I don’t want to be bothered with the personal unless absolutely necessary.”

“Aye sir.” She looked over the list and then hesitated…. “Um….”

“Spit it out.”

“Vulcan contacted us. Lieutenant Zai is to be repatriated to the Arcadia tomorrow. The Ka…”

At the mention of Zai pain cold and sharp shot through him making him feel like his whole body had been hit. He swallowed as he waived his hand keeping his face neutral. “The doctor will handle that tomorrow. His sister is on the way with the Elders council and Fang Lee will be in charge of the memorial service. I will need you to attend the Engineering meeting to ensure he speaks of only Engineering related items. If he strays into myself or my Hus… Lieutenant Zai’s arrangements I need you to jump in. I don’t care if you think of a dumb question to ask just ask it. I that will go with anyone who meets with me. I will not be drawn into conversations about the Lieutenant.”

"Also we have a new Science Officer, he's Archaeology and Anthropology and a Historian but...he's also Assistant Chief Science Officer." She handed him another file. He tossed the tape into the slot and quickly glanced at the profile. "You will attend this meeting with me. It appears that this one is a hugger, thank the previous XO for warning me and if he tries that intercept and keep him busy. I don't need bubbly bullshit around me."

"Aye sir," Casey said.

She gave a nod to Lanna and headed out. The door closed again and Sabastian took a moment to steady himself. As he sipped his drink his hands shook slightly.

Getting back to it he said, "I am nothing. An officer in Starfleet like any other. What was left of my soul died on Vulcan."

Lanna could see this was going to be a hard case, but she would help Sebastian no matter what. “You came off a bit… sharp with the yeoman Commander.” She gave him a look that told him she was in full Counsellor mode. “Don't put up a barrier between you and everyone else, there are times people need to talk on a more personal level.”

"As I said I have not time for pointless conversations." He studied her a moment. "Are we done?"

Lanna nodded, right now Sebastian was hurt and angry. “We are, for now. Sebastian please don’t exclude yourself from Zai’s funeral arrangements, you'll end up regretting it in the future.” She stood ready to leave. “I’ll leave you to it Commander,”

OFF:

 

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