Getting Through The Day
Posted on Mon Dec 29th, 2025 @ 4:31pm by Lieutenant Commander Sabastian Walker & Lieutenant Lanna Alexander
Edited on on Mon Dec 29th, 2025 @ 5:11pm
1,214 words; about a 6 minute read
Mission:
Shore Leave - Starbase 1
Location: Memory Post USS Arcadia
Timeline: Current Timeline
ON:
Sabastian walked the halls of the ship feeling numb and disconnected. Every once in a while he would pass a place that would hold a memory and he’d be pulled into it without any warning only to come out a little more broken. Some memories were of Zai, others of time spent here with other crew members and it was those memories where he saw he would never be the same person again.
It felt as if a part of him had been cut out and trampled. It was lost forever and it was like he didn’t know where to find himself or if he ever could. In his darkest times he’d wanted to join Zai but that final conversation…had it been a dream? Hallucination? Whatever it was he made a vow to Zai to go on and it was something that he would do but by his standards. Zai had wanted him to live, to love. He would do nothing of the sort. He would exist through the days and love would never again enter his life.
He'd learned something, maybe his Vulcan heritage would be better to lean out. Purge his emotions, not feel anything for anyone. He was close to that now, he was numb and just walking through his life here.
Kerrigan had the day off today so Sabastian headed to the ready room. The trip didn’t take long but the moment he stepped in there the smell of coffee hit him. The person on duty the night before must have drank it because it was strong and another one of those unwelcomed memories hit him like a two ton truck.
The memory to him to a month ago….
Given the circumstances Lanna had decided it best to catch both her Senior Officers at the same time in order to give them her news. Admittedly it would be in Doctor McDonald’s logs that someone aboard was expecting but Doctor, patient privacy would prevent him from saying who. Making her way to the ready room she tapped her comm badge. “Alexander to Kerrigan and Walker, could I see you both in the ready room please?”
Sab was on his way up there anyway with the latest reports. "I'm on my way there counselor. I think you have spooky timing."
A few minutes later she stood outside the Ready Room, taking a deep breath she stepped inside offering both her superiors a smile. “Apologies for calling you both here, even though you were already enroute Commander.” She offered Sab a warm smile. “I just came from Sickbay, I haven’t been feeling myself lately so I thought I’d check with the doctor. It would appear that I’m…pregnant. Approximately 6 weeks.”
Sab's eyes widened. "That's great! Congratulations counselor."
Lanna smiled excitedly. “Thank you Commander. Jarin and I have been wanting another child, we just weren’t sure whether we were ever going to get the news.” She looked towards Kelly hoping he’d be just as happy for her, before looking at Sabastian. “I don’t want to be a burden on, or a risk to this ship or crew. I know away teams will be on a risk free basis.”
Sabastian sighed. "Nothing is risk free counselor. This is a dangerous time and the Gorn are nothing to scoff at."
Lanna nodded. “Of course Commander. I promise no complaints, I won’t put anyone at risk looking out for me.”
He smiled. "Indeed and we won't put you at risk. Captain I recommend no away missions for the counselor." He looked towards her. "If you're okay with that to ensure you and the baby are protected."
“Under normal circumstances I’d complain, but as it stands..” Lanna nodded. “Understood Sir.”
Sab looked at Lanna. "So while I am half Betazoid I have my senses if you're up for it we could work together this way on the away team we have some form of empathic sense. I have generally put on an inhibitor but I can forgo that with your help Counselor."
Lanna nodded. “I’d be happy to help, I’ll admit it'll drive me crazy not getting off ship so anything I can do I’ll be happy to help with.”
He smiled. "Well this will help and the main priority now is the baby."
Lanna nodded. “That’s true. I know it’s not exactly the best timing given what we’re facing.”
Sabastian smiled. "A child is a blessing. Anytime is good time. He or she is now a member of this crew and we'll all protect them."
Lanna nodded. “Thank you. I was originally worried about leaving Jayce behind, but I know that’s what’s best now. I still don’t like it, but there's little choice.”
"We'll try to make this as quick as we can. One thing about the Gorn is they have no stamina.
“Maybe so, but they’re stronger than we are at least hand to hand, plus we know they have no mercy.” Lanna paused. “Plus I’m not sure if I’ll be of any help, reptilian brains are different to ours I can’t fully read them.”
"Actually." Sabastian said. "Perhaps there maybe a way around that. How quick a study are you counselor?"
Lanna gave Sabastian a curious look. “As quick as needed” she smiled warmly. “What do you have in mind Commander?”
He sighed. "They are reptiles. They are intelligent but at the heart of it they are reptiles and all reptiles have basic instincts. Perhaps we can predict it on past behavior?"
“Possibly” Lanna nodded. “A thorough study of previous encounters with the Gorn will be needed. I know it’s not going to be pleasant but every detail will need to be gone over.”
He smiled. "Well then I suggest we let the Captain get back to work and you and I can tackle this together. Sound like a plan?"
“Sounds perfect to me” Lanna nodded and smiled.
Just like that he was back in the empty ready room. He rubbed the hollow feel of his chest. It was the moment before he’d made a decision. After that meeting he’d talked to Lanna about Zai and it had resulted in their first big fight before the Gorn incident. He rubbed his chest harder for a moment thinking it was more then the hollow feeling. The burning, the numbness in his arm. Perhaps he was dying and he had no intention of calling the doctor. He would let fate run its course. He took several shallow breaths and stumbled to the chair where he fell into it hard.
Moments passed and the feeling slowly ebbed. He recognized it for what it was, not a precursor to death but a panic attack. He didn’t care. Instead he put it to the back of his mind and straightened his uniform. He needed to work, get lost in the reports and forget the memory, the day, and even himself.
Tonight when he got home he would mark off another day of existence on his tracker, another day without the love of his life.
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